Before the Vienna Marathon
Gruen: “I had panic attacks, sometimes every day”
Nine days after the Vienna City Marathon, Austria’s record-holding runner Aaron Gruen speaks in detail for the first time about his performance, his disappointment, and very personal circumstances. The 27-year-old also openly admits to mental health issues during his preparation: “I had panic attacks, sometimes every day.” The pressure had become too much: “I’m not a machine.”
“Krone”: Aaron , what led to the panic attacks?
Aaron Gruen: The last few months were extremely stressful. Although I trained very well and my training was objectively very good, the volume wasn’t great. I had panic attacks sometimes every day. The environment at Harvard Medical School is incredibly demanding. It’s just very, very demanding. I tried for a long time to push all of that aside and act as if everything was fine on the outside. But it wasn’t.
Was the pressure in Vienna too much?
Of course I wanted to give my best for the race, but I didn’t want to accept that it was a burden. On top of that came the pressure from my own expectations. Even before the race, with the concert and everything else going on, I really had hardly any time to relax. The pressure didn’t come just from running and studying alone, but from my attempt to do both at the highest level at the same time.
How were you feeling before the start?
At the start of the marathon, I just wasn’t in a good place mentally. I’ve said before that, ultimately, a marathon is a mental challenge. It was as if I’d already used up all my energy at the starting line. As I said, a marathon is largely mental; the training is actually easy. On that particular day, I simply wasn’t able to perform at my best.
How did you feel when you dropped out?
When I finished the race at kilometer 21, there wasn’t much of an emotional reaction at first. The emotions didn’t hit me until later on the plane, once I’d processed everything—and then over the next few days, but not on the day itself.
Do you regret starting the VCM?
No, I don’t regret either starting or the goals I set. I don’t think I asked too much of myself. I learned a lot about myself during this phase—about my limits and what it takes to consistently perform at this level.
Looking back, what do you think of the concert?
I think the VCM’s concert idea is really great. It was wonderful to play in the Golden Hall. A beautiful experience. That said, a little more peace and quiet would have been nice, and I’ll definitely need that in upcoming races.
How are your studies going right now?
I have about a month left in this semester. At the same time, I’m confident that I’ll rediscover my joy in running in the coming weeks. I’m already working on plans for the fall, deciding which races I want to tackle. Hopefully, I’ll be able to take a break from my studies starting in September and then focus on running.
Your future as a runner?
I just want to enjoy it and achieve my goals. I think there’s a lot more potential there; I’m confident about that. I’m still relatively new to the sport. From that perspective, if I want to do this full-time, I actually have ten years of my career ahead of me. Of course, there’s also the fact that I want to study medicine. And it’s naturally difficult to juggle everything…
So it’s too much after all?
Lately, I’ve been trying to juggle too many things. In Vienna, everything came together, and that put a lot of pressure on me. Besides sports and my studies, there’s also music. On top of that, I tutor about ten to 15 hours a week to make money. It’s just too much to handle over the long term. Yeah, I’m not a machine. I’m a human being, and we’re all human beings—I think that’s why I love the marathon, because it shows all that humanity.
Your long-term goals?
I’m really looking forward to taking a break from my studies so I can focus fully on sports. I have high ambitions in running, and I’m convinced that I can achieve these goals if the conditions are right. Yes, I think I learned a lot from Vienna.
This article has been automatically translated,
read the original article here.
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