Criticism of the Legal Situation

Daughter in Despair: “Where Are My Mother’s Ashes?”

An urn as the final place of farewell. Yet it is precisely this that a woman from Burgenland is being denied. (Symbolic images)(Bild: Krone KREATIV/kieferpix-stock.adobe.com, phogura-stock.adobe.com, familie-eisenlohr.de-stock.adobe.com)

A woman from Burgenland only learned through a letter from the notary that her mother, who was suffering from advanced cancer, had passed away. To this day, she does not know where her mother is buried. Now she is criticizing a provision in funeral law that, in the worst-case scenario, can deny relatives the chance to say their final goodbyes.

It is a fate that leaves one speechless. Until the very end, a woman from Burgenland cared for her mother, who was suffering from advanced cancer, visiting her regularly and arranging a spot for her at a palliative care center in Vienna. When the woman died on May 28, no one told her daughter.

She was unable to see her mother one last time, hold her hand, or say a final goodbye. She only learned of her mother’s death through a letter from the notary. “I didn’t even know my mom had died,” says the woman, whose name is known to the editorial staff. The shock hit her with full force.

Broken Heart Syndrome and the Intensive Care Unit
The woman from Burgenland suffered from broken heart syndrome (note: an acute dysfunction of the heart muscle triggered by extreme emotional or physical stress), had to be treated in the intensive care unit for three days, and ultimately left the hospital against the doctors’ advice. She wanted to be with her family, wanted answers, and wanted to finally find out what had happened. She continues to suffer the emotional consequences to this day. The woman is still receiving psychological care.

Is the urn at a natural burial ground?
But one answer is missing: Where are her mother’s ashes? All she learned from the funeral home was that the urn had been handed over to her stepfather. Later, she was reportedly told that her mother had been buried in a natural cemetery. But the daughter does not know where her mother’s final resting place actually is.

Her son also wants to say goodbye to his grandmother
This is particularly painful for her son. “He keeps asking why we can’t go see Grandma—to light a candle, lay down flowers, or just spend a few minutes with her.” What comes naturally to other bereaved family members is denied to them. Yet, according to the daughter, she remained in contact with her mother until the very end. In her final days, the woman—who was suffering from advanced cancer, oxygen deprivation, and increasing confusion—reportedly said she was being mistreated at the palliative care center.

No one should have to go through the experience of having their own mother buried somewhere without even knowing where.

Die verzweifelte Burgenländerin

Family Blames Woman from Burgenland for Mother’s Death
“The family believed her and blamed me for her death,” the woman says. It’s an accusation that still deeply affects her to this day. Since then, the woman from Burgenland has been trying to start a conversation with her stepfather and siblings. She doesn’t want another argument. “I want us to talk to each other.” Above all, however, she wants to finally find out where her mother was laid to rest. She is particularly stunned that all of this is apparently legally permissible.

She does not fundamentally see it as a problem that an urn can be buried outside a cemetery or kept privately with official permission. What she does find problematic, however, is that in the worst-case scenario, this can deny relatives any opportunity to say goodbye. “Funeral law must not be used as a weapon.” She is therefore demanding the right to say goodbye. “No one should have to go through the experience of their own mother being buried somewhere without even knowing where.”