Couples counselor explains

Why couples often get into spats on vacation

Many people look forward to their long-awaited vacation all year round. Unfulfilled expectations and suppressed problems can then lead to arguments all the more quickly.(Bild: Wenzel Markus)

Vacations at last, vacation time at last! But it's not just the weather that gets hotter than usual during the summer vacation. The "Krone" asked Linz-based couples therapist Andrea Langes why this is the case and what can be done to prevent the heat of the moment breaking out during the vacation weeks. 

We really do get a lot busier after the vacation period. From the beginning of September, it's just as busy as at Christmas," reports couples therapist Andrea Langes. "This is due to the vacation and not the weather. There are also more intentions to break up because you realize on vacation that things can't go on like this."

High expectations, lots of time
But why is there more friction on vacation, which should be stress-free and harmonious? "That's exactly what causes it: On the one hand, people usually have very high expectations of their vacation - everything should be perfect. If these expectations are not met, you feel frustrated and disappointed," says the Linz-based consultant.

A relationship is like a car: if you neglect it, it won't work perfectly on vacation either.

Andrea Langes, Paarberaterin Team L

Repressed issues surface
Another factor is the lack of stress: "In everyday life, everyone lives their lives, there are lots of organizational things to do. Especially when there are children, personal needs are often put on the back burner all year round. On vacation, you have a lot of time and closeness, which is when such issues come to light and can lead to arguments," says the psychosocial counselor, who runs a practice together with her husband Gerald.

27 percent

27% of all respondents in a German study from 2018 stated that they had had a major argument with their partner at least once while on vacation. Nine percent had even broken up during or after their trip.

"Do you still love me?"
Frequent topics include a lack of attention or questions about whether they still love each other or are sexually attracted to each other. But everyday topics, such as one partner feeling left alone with tasks, also often break out on vacation.

How to avoid arguments
How can you prevent the disruption of vacation peace? "Just like in any other relationship, it's always about communication, stress and expectation management," says Andrea Langes. "You should decide exactly who does what and when and communicate your wishes clearly in advance. You should also ask yourself whether your expectations of your partner and your vacation time together are realistic in order to avoid disappointment."