Tips for families

How to keep things peaceful around the holidays

When families come together for a celebration, things sometimes get out of hand.(Bild: Iakov Filimonov)

Christmas should be a time for reflection. But when families get together, the potential for conflict often increases. We have tips on how to prevent family celebrations from escalating.

"And it escalates, nobody knows why again..." - These lyrics from the pop song "Verwandtschaftstreffen" by Althofen singer Florian Gruber, alias RIAN, are likely to be on the minds of many Carinthians, especially at Christmas. Unfortunately, time with the family is not always as contemplative as one might imagine.

And it is precisely this wish that is often the crux of the matter. "Things don't always go as planned and Christmas Eve often ends in stress, discussions and arguments," explains Birgit Satke, head of the advice team at Rat auf Draht. The "Kummer-Telefon-Dienst" gives tips on how to better deal with stress during the holidays.

Konflikte in Familien

Wie die Weihnachtsfeier nicht eskaliert

• Good planning: If everyone discusses in advance how they want the holidays to go, there will be no conflicts on the day.

• Cooperation: As a family, you are a team. Pull together!

• Perfectionism is overrated: Who says their home has to look like a Hollywood movie? Do everything so that it suits you - and not the photos.

• Touchy subjects are taboo: If you want to avoid conflict, you can do so by simply not starting difficult discussions in the first place. Remain tolerant and allow others their point of view.

• Look for common ground: Instead, think about what topics you have in common. Try to appreciate the person you are talking to. It is valuable to get to know new perspectives.

• Always use humor: If a conflict does arise, it always helps to laugh. This gives everyone the feeling: We hear you and your concerns or criticism - but for Christmas we need something friendlier than this topic.

• Stupid questions? Stupid answer! If you ask unpleasant questions, you have to be able to endure the answers. We've all been there: "Wouldn't you like to start a proper job?" or: "When are you getting married? When are the grandchildren coming?" are offensive questions that you should respond to in the right way to spare your nerves. Simply give a funny, cheeky answer and set your own boundaries.

• Simply put your cell phone away: It's usually hard to imagine our everyday lives without our smartphones - the endless feed on social networks is known to tempt us to spend more time on apps than we'd like. For the holidays, you can schedule time for your smartphone and social media - and the rest of the time, simply put your phone away and consciously enjoy time with family and friends.

• A clear schedule: To make sure no one is disappointed, it helps to communicate openly what is happening on the holidays. This way, you can minimize stress and avoid cabin fever at the same time. Who is celebrating where? When are children, grandchildren and other family members coming?

• De-escalate instead of adding fuel to the fire: If an argument does arise, it makes sense to de-escalate. Instead of intervening with your own opinion when two family members are arguing, it is better to interrupt the discussion - so that both sides don't get even more agitated. 

"Rat auf Draht" has been advising young people and children in emergency situations for years. Experts provide anonymous and free help by calling 147. Online counseling appointments are available for parents and caregivers until 5 January and can be booked at elternseite.at.