Psychology

Happy high – a quick way to more self-confidence

"Happy high status" – a state in which we recognize ourselves as important and valuable.(Bild: ndrbusco/stock.adobe.com)

Some people overcome serious crises in life without breaking down. They appear self-confident and authentic. But where do they draw their strength from, and where does their self-confidence come from? Read on to find out how you can easily develop authentic self-confidence. 

Is my colleague more popular than me? Does she work faster? Is my friend's apartment nicer than mine? And does my sister have better genes? Many people have asked themselves questions like these. Everyone compares themselves at some point in their lives. But comparisons rarely help us move forward. In fact, they do us more harm than good: these destructive thoughts are a one-way street and lead to chronic frustration. The Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard already knew: "Comparison is the end of happiness and the beginning of dissatisfaction."

What helps? Learning self-awareness!
The ability to be "aware of oneself," i.e., to recognize, accept, and understand one's strengths and weaknesses, is called self-awareness. This has a lot to do with one's self-image and self-esteem. A self-confident person lives authentically, without constantly worrying about the opinions of others. They know who they are and live in harmony with themselves. Without being arrogant. And they owe this to one thing alone: a firm belief in themselves.

We often seek love and recognition externally
"In our society, the term 'self-esteem' actually means 'external esteem'. Because we are evaluated from childhood onwards: educators judge even the youngest children to see whether they have been good or bad. We strive more and more into adulthood to be judged well by others so that we feel loved and accepted," explains psychotherapist Doris Zöser from Mödling. "When we recognize that every person is different and at the same time seeks basic needs such as love and belonging, we see that people have something in common despite fundamental differences. This can help us to rethink and start determining our own value and how we want to live our lives. Above all, this means recognizing what is good for us and what boundaries we want to maintain. We give ourselves our own value instead of making it dependent on someone else's assessment: that is true self-confidence."

Tips for your "happy high status"

• Think of a time when you felt really good. This could be a childhood memory, a vacation, or a success at work. Write down this memory and think for a while about how you felt at that moment, then write it down: What feelings did it evoke in you? Where did you feel it in your body? What was your facial expression? What did you notice around you?

  You can then apply these positive emotions to other situations. If you ever feel overwhelmed or overcome by nervousness or fear, try to transfer some of these feelings to the current situation.

• Be clear about why self-confidence is important to you. You should be able to say as precisely as possible why you want to be self-confident. What would you change in your life if you were more self-confident?

• What are your own strengths? Knowing and relying on them gives you a sense of inner peace. Close friends and colleagues can help you identify your strengths.

Some people have an effortless self-confidence that is completely free of ego and bias. They know how to win others over with their work, their respectful manner, their charm, and their demeanor. Such people are often perceived as interesting and attractive. Some seem to be born with this ability. But anyone can learn it! It is more of a process of growth, recognition, and acceptance. And the path to get there doesn't have to be difficult. Viv Groskop, author of Happy High Status, explains how to act confidently in everyday situations. In her book, she gives valuable tips that are easy and relaxed to implement in everyday life.

Viv Groskop calls it "happy high status"—a state in which we recognize ourselves as important and valuable without putting ourselves above others. The term "happy high status" was chosen because it is unfamiliar. It allows us to talk about self-confidence or charisma in an uncomplicated and relaxed way, without the negative connotations that these terms can carry. The word "self-confidence" can be intimidating and is often understood as a synonym for entitlement.

It is not about seeing oneself as better than others, but rather about mindfulness and respect for oneself. This inner status is crucial for developing self-confidence. It is a mindset that already lies dormant in each of us. Happy high status is a quality that is immediately recognizable, that inspires others, and that is fueled by deep calm and unmistakable self-confidence. Incidentally, those who are truly self-confident do not focus solely on themselves, but also on making others feel great. Self-confident people give you the feeling that anything is possible and achievable.

Der gesündeste Vergleich, der auch glücklich macht: Sich selbst als Maßstab für Wachstum und Weiterentwicklung zu nehmen. Wo waren Sie mutig, wo haben Sie die Komfortzone verlassen? Seien Sie stolz auf die kleinen und großen Hürden, die Sie im Leben schon gemeistert haben.

Unsicherheit, die aus destruktivem „Aufwärts-Vergleich“ entsteht, ruft Neid hervor. Dieser geht auf Kosten des eigenen Selbstwerts.Beim „abwärts gerichteten Vergleich“ misst man sich jedoch mit Menschen, die die gleichen Voraussetzungen haben, jedoch weniger erfolgreich sind. Das bedeutet: Wenn Sie beispielsweise im Job unzufrieden sind, vergleichen Sie sich mit jemandem, der gerade gekündigt wurde.

Wir wählen (teils unbewusst) Vorbilder aus, die Orientierung geben und von denen wir lernen können.Sie dienen als Triebfedern des eigenen Handelns und lassen die eigenen Werte und Ziele besser definieren.

Self-optimization is not the goal
However, the idea that all your problems would vanish into thin air if only you had enough self-confidence is an illusion. Because it is precisely our imperfections that make us so unique. Finding your personal Happy High Status means adapting each situation to your own needs and strengths. Staying true to yourself, even when things are going badly. Because we don't have to be perfect to be valuable.