"Schneider's glasses"

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Autumn brought the first chilly days. Some people turned on the heating - or at least tried to.(Bild: Christian Jauschowetz)

Author Robert Schneider was surprised by the fall and the drop in temperature. Another surprise was waiting for him in the cellar...

Now came the first cold mornings. My family moaned because I hadn't turned on the heating. "Oh, the cold is only temporary. Warm days will come again soon," I said stubbornly to my shivering loved ones. But it stayed cold during the day too, and it was raining. Good, I thought, it's not pleasant in the house. Turn on the oil heating.

I went into the cellar and switched on the burner. It rumbled and hiccupped briefly, then I read on the display: "Error 133: Burner fault". I pressed the fault clearance button several times, but the burner wouldn't start. "I can't stand it in this freezing cold house," my wife moaned. So I phoned the heating engineer, waited fifteen minutes until someone finally interrupted the tape with "Love Is All You Need", played on a synthetic organ, and answered in a human-sounding voice.

 The lady on the phone listened to my urgent request without empathy. "Good woman, my children are freezing. The burner is practically new, just eight years old, and every year in the fall when I try to start it up again, it starts acting up." - "I'll send a technician tomorrow," said the heartless woman. "Tomorrow?" my voice cracked. "We've had so many fault reports coming in. This is as fast as it gets."

My family spent the night on electric heaters. The heating engineer turned up at half past seven. A young man in a great mood. "Yes, I know, I should have been here yesterday. Everything always has to be done on the spot." I showed him the way into the cellar. He did a few simple steps and the burner purred again. "Actually, you could have done it yourself. But it always has to be done subito," he said and wrote the order with a grin.